The Royal family, like many families, have experienced their own share of acrimonious divorces and major family fall outs. Many of us recall the high-profile break downs and break ups, all played out in the media. At one stage, it seemed that except for the Queen, Royal marriages were doomed. Years later, the legacy of those family breakdowns can be seen as the Royals gathered in May for the King’s coronation.

The Royal Family are often said to mirror the times and reality of the society they represent. Half of marriages end in divorce. Fortunately, most of us are not in the public eye but that doesn’t mean that the ripples to the wider family aren’t far reaching. Navigating the process of unravelling the practical, financial, and emotional ties at the end of a marriage can be overwhelming. It is easy to make mistakes.

I often ask clients, what will those who lived through it say about how you and your spouse managed the process? Typically divorce occurs within the formative years of children’s lives. What they see and experience during the failing marriage becomes a part of their view of themselves and of society. Managing the breakdown of a family and alleviating the pressure of parental conflict can in many cases improve how the children will perceive the divorce and their own relationships in the future.

A good starting point when facing divorce is to talk to a reputable mediator to minimise damage and avoid unnecessary conflict. From the start you need to be realistic. Divorce can get messy, even the most noble and well-intentioned parties can fall out. If you can mediate and settle your divorce collaboratively you should. MID Mediation in Hampton Hill have several qualified mediators who can help with this process.

If mediation doesn’t work, you should ramp up your search for the right divorce lawyer. A non-confrontational communication style can often be a valuable trait in your lawyer’s armoury as it can help stop costs spiralling out of control while also minimising unnecessary debate.

It is widely reported that during their divorce, Prince Charles and Diana Princess of Wales instructed two of the most expensive lawyers in the country. You don’t need the most expensive lawyers to get a fair outcome. You do need to feel that they understand your case, will act in your best interests and give you the time and attention you need. Most lawyers will speak to you for half an hour without charging when you first start the process. Ring around and do your homework, don’t just instruct the first lawyers at the top of an internet search – this is an important financial and emotional investment.

A good therapist or counsellor can also be essential to helping you get through divorce. Just like the Royal Family, we all have our trusted advisors, which can include friends, family or professionals. It can be a challenging time and sharing the emotional and financial worries with someone other than your lawyer will offer you significant savings in the long run.

Since the ‘No Fault Divorce’ regime introduced in April 2022, there is no room for blame. Analysing past behaviours, affairs, hurt and pain will not assist in achieving an agreement and if Court proceedings are issued to resolve financials or child arrangements, the courts don’t spend time picking over the details of a marriage. Their function is to ensure that your property and money are divided fairly, and your children’s welfare is safeguarded. Avoiding blame is not easy. Holding people to account for their behaviour is a human instinct but it can be a waste of time and energy if not relevant. Early on in your divorce, a good lawyer will tell you what matters and what doesn’t.

It’s easy to look at the most visible family in the country and be critical of their past decision making or actions. Time is a great healer and families move on, but our children and wider family will be quick to tell us where we went wrong and how they would do it differently. Hopefully they won’t go as far as to write a book about it but knowing that you have managed the breakdown of your family and consequential divorce with the support of good advice and minimised damage, will reap dividends in years to come.